I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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