he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
