You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
