dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
