ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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