He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
