Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
