It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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