I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
