so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize