Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
