Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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