Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
