Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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