i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
