Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
