just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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