I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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