If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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