I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
