I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
