Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i think my cat just said my name.
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