Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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