you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
