I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
