So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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