How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
