How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
