You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
