did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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