420 ftw
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
