bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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