I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
