I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
