well I can't set my house on fire every night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize