just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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