Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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