just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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