Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
