he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
