so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
