this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
