if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
