There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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