I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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