It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
