question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
