you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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