Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
