Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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