The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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