I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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