It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize