Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i believe in u and ur pee
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
