Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
