I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
