She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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