he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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