I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize