bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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