Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
