i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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