You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm gonna fight the coyote
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
