Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
