its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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