Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
