I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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