Banned from zoo.
Again?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
