Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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