So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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