im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
