Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
