New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We need to get me chipped asap
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
